Mother’s Day Pondering

I want to first say, this Mother’s Day is one that clearly points to the fact that my man has had much experience. I had a really great few days and I feel so loved and cherished by our little family.

We knew we would be traveling to our families’ so last minute, after a tears-streaming sadness washed over me like it does every year for the last 5 years, I was afraid I’d be missed and wouldn’t feel like this day was sacred as it feels for me. We quickly changed plans, decided to stay in town for the rest of the day and celebrate me being the momma of our four children in the warm, sunshine of our city.

I had been lining our new kitchen cabinets as the kids were busy with birthday parties or being with their friends. It was calming (after I figured out the quickest way to do it!) and brought me peace because for the last almost two weeks, I have had new cabinets but no countertops and so they were still getting used and this momma needed to make sure they were properly lined as to not get ruined before we even officially had a full, new kitchen installed.

With tears still streaming Andy hesitantly (poor guy!) started explaining that he took the kids to my favorite store and they all picked something out that made them think of me. He made sure that I knew that they really thought about it hard while picking these gifts out.

Cyrus got me a mug rack and he said it was between two things but felt this was perfect for our new kitchen. I LOVE it! I have been wondering how I will create the perfect coffee bar/nook and he totally helped make that happen! I already know the perfect spot for it!

Eisley got me the recipe box I actually wanted a year ago on this day…HA! She found two different ones but decided on the one and it was THE ONE! The other gift was a tea towel that had a sweet “mom” message on it that she bought for me months ago with her own money. Also perfect for our new kitchen!

Bexley got me lemon measuring cups that perfectly fit into one another. I’m having a bit of a lemon obsession as we enter into spring and summer so I was so giddy! She also said she looked up and saw this cardinal and thought of me, and missing Zekey and picked it up. I mean, TEARS! Every time we see a cardinal, we are reminded of the Hope of Jesus and the resurrection. Having Zekey a part of these gifts from the kids meant the world to me.

My heart was soaring, overwhelmed by the goodness of my heavenly Father through the eyes of my children right in front of me, even while aching, missing the set of eyes whose I’ll look into someday again. This is my normal now. This is my Mother’s Day.

We walked around Easton, a favorite for shopping and browsing (and eating!) outside. We had a wonderful time!

Sunday we went to my favorite breakfast bakery and talked and laughed. My heart was full as I just love good, quality family time!

As we made our way to Toledo, I pondered (I had 2.5 hours to drive there and back from our celebration) “How many women actually have a really great Mother’s day? Doesn’t pain and loss taint everyone on this day? And if not everyone, it’s not many years before it will. Oh the bliss of having my mother here on earth, my children easily conceived, one by one they came into this world and made my dream unfold without a hitch. Until sickness, suffering and death of what was and what could have been took grip on my third-born, Zekey.”

I smile at the thought of those days before but I also want to look my younger self into the eyes and say, “You keep on running hard after Jesus, keep making being the mother He has called you to be one of your greatest ministries, keep seeking the wisdom of those who have gone before you and be willing to share it with those behind you wanting the same, and don’t you dare forget, Jesus will always be there, no matter what may come. Oh, and that verse you thought God randomly gave you, it wasn’t random and you’ll need it and with Jesus, you’ll live it out.”

Jeremiah 17:7-8

“7But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.

8They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.”

We got to my parent’s early and Andy and I decided to make a quick run to grab a something from the store. I had already wondered if I’d have time to visit Zekey’s grave, I mean it is Mother’s Day….

The store was directly across from the cemetery and so even though we needed to get back, nothing would stop me from taking a few moments to grieve and place some flowers at my son’s gravesite. I let the tears fall once again, prayed and made my way back to the car to head back and celebrate the mother’s in my family.

So much sadness in a day for so many, I can’t help but hesitate in saying “Happy Mother’s Day” to people, wondering what kind of ache they may have.

There are women who have gone before me who are in another phase of motherhood who are also aching for their children in some form and need reminded to trust them over to their Maker almost daily. I am watching them intently and wanting to learn from them as I know my day is coming too. The days of having grown children who no longer live in my home with my protection.

And the friends who don’t have mothers on earth anymore, or are trying to become a momma, or who have lost a baby in the womb before getting to hold them in their arms, strained relationships and so many others.

But even in the ache, joy comes in the morning. I look at my beautiful children and I’m overwhelmed that I get to love them, and teach them and show them the best way I know how, how to live this life for Jesus and everything else will.fall.into.place. What an honor, truly a gift and a very high calling. And to do it alongside such an amazing man, I ache but I rejoice in what’s here today and what is to come.

The greatest gift my mother and my mother-in-law could have ever given, was to raise me and her son to love Jesus. THE GREATEST GIFT. And now, I am trying to do the same and thankful for the sweet grace that pours out when I do it imperfectly.

Whatever your Mother’s Day looks like, I pray it’s drenched in the goodness that God has to offer, yes some of it so clearly in your life today, but also for all that is to come.

Happy Mother’s Day

Bree

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